Have you been finding dead rodents or birds on your back porch? Does your cat dig her claws into your arm as she's grooming you?
It's a common joke that cat owners don't actually own cats - they're owned by cats.
Mature cats are like army generals. They walk into your home, take a look around and realize with disgust that no-one in this pack knows how to hunt, or groom themselves. Days later, the cat's in charge - even your dog rolls over for her.
How do they do this? Here are some sings that your cat is secretly teaching you how to cat:
They pin you down for a bath.
Have you seen the way a mama cat washes her kittens? If this is how your cat 'grooms' you, there's a good chance he thinks you're just as pathetic and helpless.
They knead your face.
If you cat kneads you as they prepare to curl up, they are marking you as their own. Cats have scent glands in their paws and kneading is a way to signal to others that you belong to her.
Dis is Mine!
They chomp on you.
Cats are slightly sadistic, so the way they show love is with affectionate little bites. But, if you step out of line, they'll put you in your place with a fierce chomp.
Spying on you in the bathroom.
They know how useless you are as a cat, and you've been out of sight for too long, so you're probably in need of their assistance.
Let me innnnnnnn!
They put their fluffy cat bum in your face.
Cats have scent glands around the base of their tail, so this is just another way of marking you as their own.
It's also how they signal that they'd like you to pet them now. Cats socialize by rubbing each other, so yours is likely they're trying to teach you how to say 'hi'.
Now love me, human!They bring you dead things.
Pretty much, you suck as a hunter and they don't want you to die.
Tripping you up.
Again, it's a rubbing thing - they're saying hello, and probably feed me.
Destroying your furniture.
Science can't explain this. They're just making it comfortable for you, or stretching out their claws. I dunno.
Big, Loud Meow!
Scientists say that cats haven't always been vocal creatures. In fact, their meow evolved out of spending time around humans. Since we respond more to sounds than to sight signals, cats figured out that the best way to get our attention was to MEEEOOOOW.
This is love. You may be a terrible cat, but you are a wonderful hooman.
Does your cat do any of these? You're probably being trained!