If cats were people, and they pulled half the crap they do, no one would speak to them again. That's not even a joke.
Picture your cat as your BFF. Would you still be friends with someone who throws up on your carpet and ignores you unless they need something? I don't think so.
But for some reason, we let cats get away with everything because they're just too damn cute.
Cats know it, too. They know we won't really do anything to them because somehow they have cast a spell on us with their kitty magic. They just decide to be jerks. Loveable jerks. But jerks, all the same.
Here's some of the most annoying things cats do juuuuuuuuust to test our patience.
1. Screeching like a banshee in the middle of the night.
It starts small. A tiny meow to see if you're ACTUALLY asleep. When they hear no response, they enlist the power of their entire lung capacity to get your attention. No, no. It's fine. I don't actually NEED sleep. You just keep meowing. I love it. REALLY I DO.
2. Purposely knock things off the table (that they aren't even supposed to be on)
Firstly, get off the table. Second, that was an antique vase that costs thousands of dollars. You better believe that's coming out of your treats allowance.
3. Scratch up the furniture that happens to be next to their scratching post.
It's like buying a toy for a kid on Christmas and having them only play with box. Or telling someone "don't push this button" so it makes it way more appealing. You try to stop them at first, but at some point it's just not worth the stress.
4. Block your view of the TV even though they've ignored you all day.
Doesn't matter if it's the last minute of a big game, the climax of Game of Thrones, or just a fluff reality show. If you're watching TV, it means you're not at their beck and call. Cats don't like that.
5. Sleep on your laptop when you're trying to work.
Alright, at least this one is cute. But where were you when I was just watching a movie?! You had to nap NOW, while I try to write this essay? Seems suspicious.
6. Sitting on what you need, when you need it.
True story: I was late for work once and couldn't find my keys ANYWHERE. Turns out, my cat was asleep on them and she's so friggin' fat she hid the entire lanyard.
7. Try to eat your feet even though they've done nothing wrong.
It's not my fault you chose to smell them after I've been wearing ballet flats all day. But that's no reason to go haywire.
8. Completely ignoring your entire existence.
I'm sorry, have I offended you somehow?
9. Hopping in any suitcase you happen to open at a given moment.
"Wherever you're going, I'm obviously coming too."
10. Pretending they want pets but probably just wanting to attack your hand.
It's a ploy we all fall for each and every time. So I guess we are to blame.
11. Begging for more food even though their dish is completely full.
"This blank space here? Ya, that can't be a thing that's happening."
12. Killing mice and bringing them into your home.
This one is precious, because they think you can't hunt for your own food, so they go get it for you. They don't want you to starve. But I'm gonna need that mouse to stay outside, please and thank you.
13. Standing/sitting/laying on you when you're supposed to be getting up.
"You want to leave? Not until you give me love and then I bite you."
14. Beg you to open a door for them and then immediately decide they don't want to be there.
"I need to get in here and then also I will need to get out within 3 seconds."
15. Track kitty litter everywhere (E V E R Y W H E R E)
Who DOESN'T love standing in loose kitty litter? It's like a beach vacation in the comfort of my own home.
16. Lick their butts in the most inconvenient places
Usually in the middle of the room, usually when people are over.
17. Stare at you for no reason.
You can talk to them, try to make a noise to startle them, get up and move. But once they've decided to stare...there's really no stopping it.
18. Not use anything you buy them.
Yes. I definitely bought you a cat awning.
19. Try to steal your food even though they KNOW they don't like it.
Cats just want what they can't have, much like children.
20. Just...always being in the way.
Ah, yes. The missing piece.
21. Constantly following you to the bathroom.
"Hey, you watch me pee. This is just me returning the favor."