50 Clean And Simple Jokes Guaranteed To Make You Smile

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In this hectic world of ours we often forget to stop and smell the roses. If your life seems like it's going by too fast we have the perfect solution: a long list of funny jokes!

Reddit user scarlett_j got the ball rolling when he asked "What's a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?"

People flooded him with hilarious responses that are easy to remember and guaranteed to put a smile on your family's face. We've collected 50 of the thread's best jokes for you to enjoy. Turn your phone off and take a few minutes to read it through from start to finish, we guarantee it will make your day better!


1. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes. - BoxxerUOP

2. What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg. - mariana_m

3. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little antybodies. - bonanzoid

4. Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tiss! - RayBrower

5. I've been told I'm condescending. (That means I talk down to people). - iblinkyoubling

6. Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?

7. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. - KaboomBoxer

8. Knock knock

Who's there?


Dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery. - Birdie_Num_Num

9. I used to be addicted to soap. But now I'm clean. - VictorBlimpMuscle

10. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey. - Wicked Wanderer


11. A wife tells her husband "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen." They had eggs, so he came home with a dozen loaves of bread. -SuperFreakyNaughty

12. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west. - fireworkslass

13. I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 Bobs. - breadman666

14. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador. - leahcure

15. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philipe Philope. - Soowhatisthis

16. A Mexican magician says he will dissapear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres. - Dust_Pan_Ninja

17. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

18. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. -

19. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. - Spysquirrel

20. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day - ImHully

21. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo. - kailey_sara

22. What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing. - Melciah_III

23. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder. - WikiWantsYourPics

24.  I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "thanks."

I said "don't mention it." - 3shirts

25. The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. Instead of yelling "get down!", they have to yell "Donald, duck!" - ThroughDifferentEyes

Click the next page to see more knee-slapping jokes!

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