Our world is full of so-called parenting experts who offer us lots of advice every day. While some of the parenting tips are more helpful than others, we'll admit that today's stressed out moms and dads can use all the help they can get, so we don't mind a few odd suggestions.
But a list of tips for raising the perfect "upper class" child has been raising eyebrows from parents. Most advice is a little hopeful to begin with - no matter how many steps you follow, little Jimmy still won't go to bed on time - but these tips seem like they were written by someone who's never even met a child.
They come courtesy of William Hanson, who's been described as the UK's "leading consultant in etiquette and protocol," what kind of classes do you have to take in school to get that job?
He mainly writes about which fork to use at dinner and how to avoid acting like "a commoner," but he's also suggested women should dump their poor friends if they hope to find a good husband. His parenting tips aren't much better:
Tell your kid "who's boss"
Hanson seems to think that children respect authority as much as he does, and says that raising well-behaved kids is "not particularly difficult if you make sure the child knows who’s boss." Yeah right! I wonder if any parents have tried that before...
Hire a nanny - of course
Not only should you have a nanny hired before your child is born, according to Hanson, but you should be careful who you pick. He recommends hiring a nanny from an agency, and says that relying on your parents to help with babysitting is a strictly "lower class" habit.
Insist your kids call you "Mummy and Daddy"
While he allows that "Dad" is getting popular with the upper crust, he won't allow children to call their mom by any nicknames. Being on first-name basis with your child is also forbidden, since he thinks it's a habit for “women who are in denial about growing old."
Make sure they go to a top school
The moment your child is born, Hanson recommends calling to make sure they're on the waiting list for a top school, or else they could wind up among the "dregs of society." this is actually solid advice, since going to a good school will help your child avoid getting a job that everyone looks down on - like being an etiquette expert.
Click to the next page to learn Hanson's rule about breastfeeding in public!
Don't hold a baby shower
Think baby showers are just a fun party? Wrong! Hanson calls them "uncouth," but says holding a christening for your child is fine. Just make sure that your guests know to bring expensive gifts. He suggests "cases of vintage port or wine from the year of the babe’s birth, solid silver photo frames or trinkets.”
Speaking of gifts, by age 4 Hanson expects kids to write their own thank you notes, so start working on that penmanship early!
Dress for success
Unsurprisingly, Hanson has lots of opinions about how your child should dress. Onesies are "common," and should be avoided at all costs. For boys, make sure to avoid long trousers before they turn 7, like the royals do.
Children should be seen and not heard
Hanson insists that you can raise you child "well enough to cause little fuss or outcry in public" - remember folks, he doesn't have any. Since your kids can magically behave themselves, he bans pacifiers and says it's the parent's responsibility to leave a public event if their tot is "causing a scene."
Breastfeeding in public is a no-no
"Breastfeeding is ideally done in private," says Hanson, because otherwise you might make people nearby feel "uncomfortable." We have some strong feeling about Hanson's rule, but it probably wouldn't be polite to share them with him.
Let your child mingle with the servants
Don't be afraid to let your kid "go ‘downstairs’ and talk to the cook and any staff that you may have knocking about,” since that will help them get used to meeting "all sorts" of people. We're not sure how many people will find this tip useful these days.
Share this with another parent - we could all use a good laugh!