Think of your worst date, then multiply it by 100. That's what one British woman is probably experiencing right in the moment.
My worst date was with a guy who didn't change out of his work uniform before meeting up, spent the entire time talking about other girls he'd slept with, talking about how his best friend should dump her boyfriend because he was awful, and then telling me I didn't look like what he imagined (in a bad way.)
I would live that night over 1,000 times if it meant I never had to try and retrieve my poop out of a window.
A British woman is currently experiencing humiliation of a lifetime after she met up with a guy from Tinder and went back to his house. The date started off great, with the pair enjoying flame-grilled chicken followed by some Netflix.
Liam Smyth, the man on the date, says his partner then went to the bathroom.
That's when s***hit the fan.
“I went for a poo in your toilet and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked … I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window,” she said, according to Smyth.
I mean, it's not a great solution, but in any other situation the problem would have been solved: no more poop.
Unluckily for the woman (and for Liam), the windows of his house had another, weird barrier blocking it from the outside. In other words: the poop was stuck between a wall and a hard place.
The woman decided she would fix the situation, so she tried to climb into the gap at the top of the window.
It did not go well.
“She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came,” reported Smyth.
But then the woman got stuck in the window, and after 15 minutes of trying to get her out, Smyth had to call the fire department.
Everything worked out okay, but Smyth's window was completely destroyed. He started a GoFundMe page to raise money to fix the window, and said any extra money would go to chairty.
"First, Toilet Twinning, a charity building and maintaining flushing toilets in the developing world. 60% of people worldwide don't have access to a flushing toilet, which, when you think about it, really is pretty s***.
Second, to the firefighters charity. The guys who came to the house were brilliant, took everything in good humor, and professional. This call out was pretty funny, but they do risk their lives on a daily basis, and the firefighters charity provides financial, psychological and medical help to the brave men and women who risk their lives for us. "
No word on if there will be a date #2.
This story is very similar to one shared around online about a year ago.
Maybe you've heard of it?
Twitter user @_blotty shared her experience of pooping at a date's house and not being able to flush.
"I have a story to tell. It is about my poop," she starts. "So, yesterday I went on a date with a man who asked me out in the grocery store the other day. All was going well. I went back to his place. I am a confident, calm and self assured woman...so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush properly."
"So, of course, like any calm, confident, self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse," she continues. "By this point, I was really frantic because I had been in there for too long. There was only one single piece of poop. So in that moment, something came over me. And I knew exactly what I had to do. I got toilet paper and removed the one poop from the toilet. Once that was done I realized I didn't have a plan. What do I do with it now? I can't fucking leave it there. By this point I was REALLY freaking out because I'd DEFINITELY been in there too long. So, again, making another horrible decision. I did the only thing I could think to do. I wrapped it in multiple layers of toilet paper, and put it in my purse."
"Alright, so now what? We are sitting there on his couch and kissing and all I can think of is the piece of poop in my purse."
Him: you're so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Me: that's really sweet
Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse
She then texted her sister for advice.
"So, after a few hours he used the washroom and I heard it flush. I figured he fixed it. Maybe not, but I have to take the chance. I have to try to flush the poop. So I brought my purse up to the washroom. Unwrapped the poop, prayed to every god I know, put it in and flushed by the grace of God, it worked. The poo flushed. I was free. I was in the clear. Everything was going to be okay. I survived. I am a survivor. So that's my story. A man, sat there telling me I'm the most amazing woman he's ever met, not knowing, 10 feet away in my purse, was my poop that I'd fished out of his toilet..."
Moral of the story?
This is v embarrassing for me. But seriously: dont drink coffee before a date, its better to be sleepy than to have to hide poop in ur purse— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Basically, people need to either stop pooping on dates, or stop being so embarrassed you feel the need to pick up poop from the toilet. Guaranteed it will cause more problems than it will solve.