popular | Self-help

Why Men Are From Mars, And Women Are From Venus

CBC

We get it, men and women are different. And honestly, most of us can attest to this metaphor that puts each sex on a different planet.

So what makes men from Mars, and women from Venus? The 1992 book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, written by relationship counselor John Gray, has all the information you ever needed to know about understanding your longtime life partner.

Seriously, who could write a book better than a guy who grew up with five brothers and then became a monk? Gray's self-help book sold 50 millions copies, and spent 121 weeks on the bestseller list.

According to astrological theory, the planet Mars possesses qualities like stubbornness, hardship, hard work, adventure, pride, risk taking, gamble, free will, and dominance.

In contrast, the planet Venus possesses qualities like love, sensuality, sacrifice, compromise, homeliness, food, music, art, and festivities.

However it's more than just astrological theory that dictates why men belong to the red planet and women belong to the blue planet. Gray offered some great advice that really changed the way both sexes interacted with each other.

Above all, we learned how to build lasting relationships by responding to each other effectively without arguing and hurting each other's feelings.

If you didn't get a chance to read it, here are key takeaways from the book!

1. The First Mistake

According to Gray, men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings, while women offer unsolicited advice and direction. It's important to remember that men prefer to solve their problems independently, and love to have their abilities recognized and appreciated. Taking these into consideration, a middle ground must be met where men are willing to open communication, and women willing to not cross the boundary that would make men feel uncomfortable.

2. Coping With Stress

When faced with a difficult situation, men and women react differently to cope with that stress. As mentioned before, men work out problems in their head, whereas women look for advice and are open to communication, in order to vent. The most important advice here is that women shouldn't talk for its own sake and men shouldn't be afraid to open conversation. Make sure the conversation has a point and you are both working towards a solution.

3. Motivating The Opposite Sex

Women are willing to sacrifice their needs for others, while men are the complete opposite. The most important thing to remember here is that both genders must appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, without placing blame. In order to achieve this, a man has to express that he is willing to fulfill a woman's needs, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and worthiness to fulfill her needs.

4. The Language Barrier

As you probably have already noticed, men are literal when they open conversation, and ponder when they are non-communicative. On the other hand, women like to sort their thoughts out by talking, which makes men seem like bad listeners. Men feel proud when they are able to figure out a solution by themselves, and women feel gratified by helping them achieve that. Now both genders shouldn't have to compromise their true natures, but they should be cognizant of this "language barrier" to avoid unnecessary arguments.

5. Different Needs For Intimacy

In order to have a successful relationship, men must be well-attuned to understanding a woman's needs, while women must have faith that he will try to be caring, understanding, respectful, and devoted to her. Also, women should be able to show her knight in shining armor trust, appreciation, admiration, and approval.

6. How Women Can Ask For Support

Men want to feel appreciated, rather than feeling like something is demanded of them. Gray suggests that women should avoid questions that begin with "Could you" or "Can you," which in the mind of a man feels like you are questioning their abilities. Rather, questions that begin with "Would you" or "Will you" are worded more positively.

Comment if you identify more as a Martian or a Venusian!