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'What Not To Wear' Star Opens Up About Her "Broken" Year

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Last fall, to everyone's disappointment, former What Not To Wear star Clinton Kelly revealed that he was no longer on talking terms with his co-host of ten years, Stacy London.

Kelly told his The Chew co-hosts that London had blocked him on Twitter, and that they had tension between them for sometime. He admitted that their rocky relationship is "old news" and he didn't even realize how serious it was until London blocked him on social media.

EW.com

"We spent so much time together for 10 years … It was funny in the beginning when we completed each other’s sentences, Kelly said in a previous interview with American-Statesman, adding "but it got to be like, ‘OK, we need a break from each other.;"

London did not comment on Kelly's statements, but that's probably because she had bigger and more important issues to worry about. 2017 was "a year marked by breakdowns" for the television personality and author, but she kept her struggles under wraps, until now.

Elle

At the start of this year, London explained in an Instagram post that 2018 is a fresh start for her, and that she will be approaching everything from now on with a more positive mindset. She said that she no longer held grudges and is "finding peace" by unblocking people.

“It occurred to me that taking action like blocking people in order to feel some sense of control over other’s actions is a waste of my time," she wrote in the posts's caption. “Forgiveness is something you give yourself to move on, to find peace, to let go. So I unblocked a bunch of people today. If this resonates, maybe you can too. ❤️”

Last night, I was thinking about forgiveness. It’s very easy to say but sometimes not easy to do truthfully. If you’re like me when I’m hurt I can hold a grudge. I know the old adage: being angry or vengeful or hateful to someone because they’ve wronged you is like taking poison expecting the other person to die. Anger is much easier to cope with for me than sadness and pain. Being angry feels pro-active and empowering, like I’m in control of the situation. But last night (and WHY last night, I’m not sure) it occurred to me that taking action like blocking people in order to feel some sense of control over other’s actions is a waste of my time. I can’t stop people from the way they behave. I can’t stop them from being angry with me, hurtful to me, or indifferent to me. I can block ex-friends and ex-lovers, people I feel wronged by, but to what end? For the most part, these people aren’t even looking at my accounts in the first place and even if they were, why would being able to see this highlight reel of my life matter in the slightest? Don’t get me wrong: truly hateful, sexist, misogynistic, xenophobic, homophobic, racist comments are simply not permitted on my accounts. @luvvie taught me that social media is NOT a democracy, it’s a dictatorship only in the sense that if you write on MY page l have every right to delete or block you. Go write nasty shit on your own page. Those are not the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about those I’ve had trouble forgiving for one reason or another. The problem is the more I hold on to my anger, the more I hurt, not them. And while feeling pain and sadness sucks, it’s necessary, NOT damaging. I’m sure you’ve heard this 1000x before but it hit me: forgiveness doesn’t mean things are reparable. It doesn’t mean I can have these people back in my life or want to (though I don’t discount the possibility that maybe some day I will.) It doesn’t even mean I’ll tell them. Forgiveness is something you give yourself to move on, to find peace, to let go. So I unblocked a bunch of people today. If this resonates, maybe you can too. ❤️

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However, what many don't know is that London's change of mind did not just come out of blue. In a recent article she penned for Refinery 29, London confessed that she went through one of the worst times of her life in 2017, and after recovering from all the negative experiences, she is now giving herself a new start.

So what exactly happened?

London's troubles started in December 2016 when she had to undergo surgery to fix her chronic back pain. Doctors said recovery would last around six weeks, but to Stacy it felt longer. She explained that the ordeal was "crippling- emotionally and physically" and going outside became dreadful.

“I didn’t feel sad exactly, I just felt sick," she wrote.

Every day I'm hustlin. 📷: @nickonken Tap photo for credits

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To add to her pain, London, who was also suffering from clinical depression, found out that she was going broke. The former TV was on a sabbatical in 2016, and had prepared herself financially while she was off work, but she could've never guessed that her financial situation would get as bad as it did in the year that followed.

How did it all go wrong? She developed an online shopping addiction to cope with her depression.

"Shopping provided me with a very interesting version of magical thinking at this time," London wrote. "I imagined parties and places I’d go, the people I’d be with, and when I bought this one last dress, shoe, bag, or necklace, my image in these imaginary scenarios would somehow be complete...or whole. I realize now it was just a fantasy future, to distract me from an agonizing present."

People.com

London's relationship with her boyfriend was also starting to fall apart, and the shopping helped her escape that reality too. She planned a couples trip to Europe, booked rooms in fancy hotels, and bought "photo clothes" for public appearances. Unfortunately, the trip couldn't salvage their relationship.

She returned home to an empty apartment that's been severely damaged by flooding, and to make matter worse, she received news about her close friend's suicide.

“If I wasn’t completely broken before, I was now,” she continued. “Life has barely made sense since then. I doubled up on physical therapy sessions."

Refinery29

On December 13, the "first anniversary of life after spine surgery," the TV star got the wake up call she needed. Her accountant informed her that she was losing cash fast, and she needed to act quick. She started "purging" her closet and selling the items she bought over the year.

"A lot broke last year. And from all that brokenness, there is no other choice but to affirm life. It means picking up the pieces of mine off the floor. There are so many shards, sometimes I feel like it will be impossible to put them all back together," London admitted, adding that she's working on improving her situation and moving forward.

She concluded, "I don’t know if this new year will be better than the last one. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry. How could things get worse? I honestly don’t want to know the answer to that.What I want now is some glue. And hope is very sticky, indeed."

We're glad she's on the road to emotional, physical and financial recovery!