Did You Know

The Real Reason Why People In Happy Relationships Cheat

The Spruce

We have always understood that the only reason people may cheat is due to the lack of happiness they receive out of their relationship. Many psychologists have come forward to explain that this really isn't true.

Of course unhappiness is still a leading reason to why people cheat, but many people also cheat who are completely happy with their relationships.

"Not all affairs, as previously thought, are symptoms of a troubled relationship or a troubled person,” said Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and an expert on the topic of infidelity.

When people cheat and they don't even know why, it's usually because they are looking for a different version of themselves. That could be about a sense of longing, a sense of loss, either the loss of strength or the loss of certain parts of themselves.

In her book, Perel tells the story of a woman who is utterly disgusted by her own actions. She is happily married, lives an enviable life and adores her husband, but finds herself having an affair. It is more shocking to her than to anyone else, and she comes to Perel to work out her own actions. Perel, a compassionate but brutally honest therapist, guides her with questions and suggestions until she comes to realize that her infidelity was a form of rebellion against the life she had settled into. She had always been ‘good’: the good girl, the good daughter, the good wife. Cheating on her husband was her way, painful and selfish, to indulge a different version of herself.

By seeing so many happy people cheating with no answer as to why they did it, we have to accept the fact that people in happy relationships do cheat. They do this because subconsciously they are not happy with themselves or who they've become, and are looking for a way to rebel.

So is cheating the answer to your problems? No. Cheating causes heartbreak, betrayal and irreparable damage. Cheating is not a good way to deal with one's own personal unhappiness. Although this can be a subconscious feeling, if you ever experience it seek help before it escalates to the point of unhealthy self-help.