Retro

13 Retro Toys That Sent Kids To The Hospital

There's no denying that the toys we grew up with were absolute classics, but a lot of them were also too risky for young children to play with. We don't blame our parents for buying them, in fact it's probably better that they weren't anxious "helicopter parents" like we have today.

Still, there were real dangers to some of these toys, and sometimes all you can do is look back and shake your head, asking "what were these toy-makers thinking?"

Maybe you'll say I'm overreacting, but the fact is lots of very popular kids have seriously injured kids, or worse. Read this list to find out how lucky you are to be alive right now.

1. Sky Dancers (aka Dragon Flyz)

Laugh all you want, but these cute little spinners were deadlier than they looked. Along with whacking your eyes with their wings, these toys had a knack for landing their pointy bases on kids heads.

There are hundreds of reports of kids and adults getting concussions and even broken ribs from these. Plus, sometimes they would fly to Hell and never come back.

2. The Fleer Zulu Blow Gun

The blow gun was a very simple toy: you loaded in a plastic dart, took a deep breath, and shot the dart with a strong breath. See the problem? If you were born in the 70s, one of these darts is probably still sitting in your stomach.

3. Snacktime Cabbage Patch Kids

As we mentioned before, these dolls were hungry for more than just plastic french fries, and had to be recalled after trying to eat their owners too many times.

4. Lawn Darts

Oh, the 1970s. Did parents really trust kids not to hurl giant metal darts at each other? They were banned from the US in 1988, but modern plastic versions work just as well.

5. Splash Off Water Rockets

Model rocket building is a dangerous pastime, and water-pressure rockets are supposed to be a safer alternative. But the Splash Off rocket was taken off the shelves because of their risk. They had a nasty habit of either exploding before takeoff or flying into kids after they launched.

6. Slap Bracelets

Years before teachers were up in arms over spinner toys, slap bracelets were being banned from classsrooms across the country.

But it turns out there was a good reason for all the hysteria. To keep up with the toy's popularity, the market was flooded with knockoffs made with cheap metal. The rusted steel would break through the fabric, leading to all sorts of nasty injuries.

Click the next page for more surprisingly dangerous toys!

7. The Water Wiggle

If you remember playing in one of these you must be pretty old (and very lucky). The Water Wiggle was like a Super Soaker for kids with no friends, it attached to your hose and flew around, spraying water everywhere.

The problem was this whole toy was basically one giant hazard. You had kids jumping over an unpredictable swinging hose, and if the plastic cap came off the aluminum nozzle could do serious damage.

One child even drowned when the Water Wiggle got stuck in his mouth, which makes the cheery commercial a lot less fun.

8. The Colonial Viper

This toy is the reason your kid's toys are covered all over in choking warnings. After a child choked on the detachable missile from this Battlestar Galactica toy in 1978, companies got serious about product safety.

The toy's grim history hasn't stopped people from tracking it down on eBay.

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9. Creepy Crawlers

A version of the Easy-Bake oven with a gross twist, this toy let you make plastic bugs. Lots of kids burnt their hands on toy ovens, but this one had an added risk: the liquid plastic used to make the bugs would scald them, plus it was toxic. Even though the box clearly says "non-toxic." Oops!

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10. Moon Shoes

By the 1990s these toys were harmless fun, but the originals were just a sharp metal frame that hurt your feet. These were responsible for a lot of sprained ankles in the 1970s.

11. Yo-yo Water Balls

Remember these silly, squishy toys? Maybe you noticed they disappeared from stores over the last few years. That's because they've caused hundreds of cases of injuries, mainly kids choking or suffocating when they would wrap around their necks.

12. Sock'em Boppers

These toys were designed to let kids punch each other with less risk of injury, but that didn't mean they were completely safe. At least advertisers were honest about what they were used for.

13. Slip and Slides

What a surprise, a small-scale water-slide that assembled in your backyard lead to a lot of injuries. Oddly, the physics of the Slip and Slide actually meant it was safer for kids than adults, but at least one child suffered a serious neck injury and lots of grown ups were paralyzed by this toy.

Toys R Us

Share this list if you remember playing with any of these!

I write about all sorts of things for Shared, especially weird facts, celebrity news, and viral stories. CONTACT: zachary@shared.com