Woman Shamed By Friends For Not Giving Birth "Properly"

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Woman Shamed By Friends For Not Giving Birth "Properly"


It's not uncommon for moms who underwent C-sections to hear comments like "you're lucky you didn't go through labor" or "you technically didn't give birth" or "it must be nice to not have to get stitches down there."

The reality is that women who have gone through a cesarean delivery are no different than those who gave birth vaginally. They have experienced labor and due to complications beyond their control, they have no other choice but to undergo surgery.

However, the stigma surrounding C-sections make women who get them feel tons of guilt and shame after all is said and done.

For one mom, it's her own friends who are shaming her for "not giving birth properly" after she underwent an emergency C-section.

The frustrated new mom took to a Mumsnet forum to vent about her friends who have told her that she "only did the easy bit" after they asked her how her labor went.

The woman, who welcomed her son five months ago, asked her fellow users to weigh in on the matter and help her understand if she's overreacting or if her friend's opinions are truly "bonkers."

"I generally don't talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else's experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labor til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs [emergency cesearean])," she wrote.

"One of them said "˜so you've come away from that thinking that you know what it's like to have a baby'," she continued.

Confused, the woman asked her friend, also a mom, what she means by that comment, and she responded with "You've not given birth properly, you've not been in transition, you've only done the easy bit. So many women think they've given birth but they have no idea."

Appalled and unsure what to say, the woman changed the subject stop things from escalating, but she admitted that it "left a nasty taste" in her mouth.

She explained on the forum that the other mom friend that was with them "didn't agree, but didn't necessarily disagree." She also does believe that a C-section "is the easy option but if your body can't give birth properly then it's not your fault."

"Maybe she's right and I've only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labor?" the confused mom asked.

Her fellow Mumsnet users were quick to fill up the comment section with their opinions on the matter.

Many said that the person who made those harsh comment is not really a friend, calling her "ridiculous" and an "idiot."

Some moms pointed out that they have experienced vaginal birth and theirs were relatively easy compared to the poster's labor.

"She sounds horrid," read one comment. "Of course you've given birth - your baby has been born so you must have done!And it sounds like your birth was much harder than mine, where my baby did come out vaginally. Ignore her, she's an idiot."

"Your friend's attitude is disgraceful and shocking," another user chimed in. "I would definitely distance myself from her. Who the hell does she think she is to be so judgmental."

After receiving so much support, the mom said that she's now realized that those people aren't really her friends.

"I had quite a bad recovery and was back in hospital afterwards and had no word from them so it's frankly bizarre to try and kick a friend about their labor," she added.

Have you ever heard anyone say that a C-section is not a proper way to give birth?

Blair isn't a bestselling author, but she has a knack for beautiful prose. When she isn't writing for Shared, she enjoys listening to podcasts.