Drug addiction is a terrifying thing. It takes control of your entire life and the lives of those around you. Addiction is even more prevalent in the Hollywood world, and one of the stars of Arrow is opening up about his addiction struggles.
Colton Haynes posted a series of images from last year when he was in the hospital after a drug and alcohol bender.
Throwback. I don’t want worrying about if I look hot or not on Instagram to be my legacy. I don’t want to skirt around the truth to please other people or to gain economic success. I have far more important things to say than what magazine I just shot for or what tv show I’m a part of (Although I’m very thankful I still get to do what I love).
I no longer want to project a curated life. I get immense joy when someone comes up to me & says that my willingness to open up about depression, anxiety, alcoholism, & addiction has helped them in some way. I’ve struggled the past year with trying to find my voice and where I fit in & that has been the most beautiful struggle I’ve ever had to go through.
Worrying about what time to post on social media so I can maximize my likes or being mad at myself that I don’t look the same way I did when I was addicted to pills is a complete waste of why I was put on this earth. I’m posting these photos to let y’all in on my truth. I’m so grateful to be where I am now ( a year after these photos were taken) but man these times were dark. I’m a human being with flaws just like you.
If ur in the middle of the dark times...I promise you it doesn’t have to last forever. Love y’all ❤️
It's not he first time Haynes has opened up about his addiction. He admitted that coming out as a gay man and a failed marriage all factored in to the struggles he faced.
"In 10 years, there were maybe 25 days I didn't drink," the actor admitted. "I remember when I started, it was a couple glasses of wine, and it regressed into really dark times. I used to blame it on my anxiety or depression issues, but really the root of all my problems was the alcohol and drugs."
"I came out and, in a way, my downward spiral started," he explained. "I felt extremely free but at the same time the amount of attention I was getting was making me spin out of control. I got married and that didn't work out. That was extremely public and heart-breaking, and right when that was going on, my mom died. At that point I fell apart. My brain broke. I was doing a massive comedy for a studio, showed up to work and got fired on the first day. They said I looked as if I had 'dead in my eyes', and I did."
"I got so heavily involved with drugs and alcohol to mask the amount of pain I was feeling that I couldn’t even make some decisions for myself," Haynes admitted. "I was drowning in my own sh*t. I locked myself in a hotel room at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills for seven days and was found in my room with these insane bruises all over my body. It looked as if somebody had beaten the sh*t out of me. I couldn’t walk, so I was falling everywhere."
"I almost ruptured my kidney, ended up in the hospital, ended up in 5150 psyche hold [a way to keep someone in hospital involuntarily for up to three days when there is a 'serious need']. I was on such a destructive path that I could not function. I lost partial sight in my left eye for a while. I ended up having two seizures. I didn't know any of this was happening until I was sober enough to remember it."
Haynes admitted that he was reluctant to get help, but finally going to treatment is what changed his life forever.
"Once I went to treatment, I found this amazing amount of true love for myself, and started figuring out who I am without those vices, and recognizing the people in my life who lifted me up instead of tearing me down. I’m always going to be in recovery. There are so many people struggling out there, but not a lot of them talk about it. Life is much more beautiful than I could have imagined. It's just a different life now. It's the best gift I've ever been given."
Haynes' admissions of addiction and how bad things were is a real eye opener into what that world looks like. It's incredible to see his transformation, and I hope that he is able to continue on his path of sobriety.