We all parent differently, and that's something others tend to forget. Just because a mom or dad is doing something in a way you might not, doesn't mean that it's the wrong way. People are especially judgemental of those who parents kids with disabilities. Somehow strangers on the street think they know what's best for someone else's child.
This couldn't be more true for Kelly Dirkes, who was rudely approached at a Target by a passerby, who said that by carrying her young daughter, she was going to grow up "spoiled." Dirkes was stunned. Having adopted two daughters with Down Syndrome, she was used to people making comments, but this was too much. She couldn't believe how someone could be so blunt as to approach her and make such a rude comment.
Instead of reacting at the store, Dirkes chose to come home and write an open letter about her experience. It has over 32,000 shares, and all of the comments are extremely positive.
Dear Woman in Target,
I’ve heard it before, you know. That I “spoil that baby”. You were convinced that she’d never learn to be “independent”. I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping.
If you only knew what I know.
If you only knew how she spent the first ten months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.
If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time–fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror. No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.
If you only knew that she would lay in her crib after waking and never cry–because up until now, no one would respond.
If you only knew that anxiety was a standard part of her day, along with banging her head on her crib rails and rocking herself for sensory input and comfort.
If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly “independent” –and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams “trauma” and “not safe”.
If you only knew what I know.
If you only knew that that baby now whimpers when she’s put down instead of when she is picked up.
If you only knew that that baby “sings” at the top of her lungs in the mornings and after her nap, because she knows that her chatter will bring someone to lift her out of her crib and change her diaper.
If you only knew that that baby rocks to sleep in her Mama’s or her Papa’s arms instead of rocking herself.
If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted.If you only knew what I know.
“Spoiling that baby” is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer–or as long as she’ll let me–because she is learning that she is safe.
That she belongs.
That she is loved.
If you only knew…
The post touched the hearts of many, including myself. It's no one's business to make a comment on parenting, especially when that child is clearly loved.