Do you worry that your partner is cheating on you?
If so, experts say you probably have reason to be concerned.
For most people, having a hunch that your partner is cheating on you only creates more anxiety and stress. But private investigators know how to find the truth.
The first piece of advice they have is that if you have suspicions, it's time to start asking tough questions.
"I will back a woman's intuition every single time."
Private eye Julia Hartley Moore has been tracking down cheaters for more than two decades.
She says that both men and women step out on their partners in roughly equal numbers. But Moore thinks women are better at covering up their affairs.
"Women are far more calculating and cunning about how they have affairs than men," she explained.
"Men are often a little late at latching onto the signs."
Moore warns that there will never be a dead giveaway that your partner is unfaithful. Instead, "little changes" in their behavior will slowly reveal the truth.
But investigator David King stresses that you should trust your gut feelings about your partner.
"I will back a woman's intuition every single time," he told The Daily Mail. King claims that in his experience, women have their worst fears confirmed by his investigators almost 80% of the time.
He says that some of the first red flags are a growing emotional distance in your relationship, or suspicious changes in routine.
But there are other signs to watch out for.
What to look for
While every case is different, investigators say these are usually big hints that your partner is cheating:
- Your partner has a new routine that takes them out of the house early. Married people usually cheat in the morning before work, so they can stay home at night.
- Your partner has a "new friend" that they mention spending a lot of time with. They may criticize or joke about this person to throw you off their scent.
- Your partner has suddenly stopped going to events in public with you. Most cheaters don't tell their new fling they are in a relationship, so maybe your partner is trying to avoid being caught.
- On average, investigators say that cheating women have less sex with their partners, while cheating men will want more sex.
- A new interest in looking or dressing nicely can be a giveaway for both men and women, but men tend to overdo it and give themselves away.
"Men start to take a bit more care," King said. "They might work out a bit more, or be clean shaven more often, or start dressing a bit better or smelling nicer."
- Cheaters will usually be very possessive of their cellphone and laptop. Maybe they've suddenly changed their passwords, or stopped leaving their phone lying around.
- Worryingly, King says cheating men will sometimes lash out at their partners - either out of guilt, or for an excuse to leave the house in anger and meet their mistress.
To catch a cheater
So, if you're certain that your partner is cheating but have no proof, what can you do about it?
Waiting for them to come home with lipstick on their collar isn't convenient for anyone.
Such obvious mistakes, or catching your partner in the act, will definitely make things obvious between you. But it's better to address a problem like this openly as adults.
Ask to see your partner's phone in an "honesty check," and offer them yours too. Explain your reasons for being suspicious. Most cheaters will immediately crumble under the pressure.
If your partner is not cheating, they should feel secure enough to hand over their phone and assuage your concerns.
If you're still not convinced, private detectives have one last trick that never fails: watching for bills.
Hotel rooms, private dinners, unexplained trips, new clothes, and other goodies all cost money.
If your partner can't explain a suspicious expense on your shared account, the jig is up.
Here's even more helpful relationship advice:
- Your partner's zodiac sign reveals exactly what they want in a relationship.
- Nicole Kidman shares the secret to her long-lasting marriage.
- The 13 most common reasons why couples break up.